


For Such A Smart Guy... WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN STUPID OMG

by Pai61



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: American AU, College AU, Fluff, HELPPPPPP, Library AU, M/M, Normal AU, SnowBaz, Wayward son in f o u r days, Yo it's only teen and up cuz of swearing, also... agatha plays lacrosse that is a f a c t and simon actually has her hoodie?, angst? maybe, baz is a n e r d, ebb is mentioned, hey my title is a mess but lmao don't wanna change it, idkkkk, introducing pumpkin mocha breve, no outline for this!, penelope makes video games to help people study, she owns a coffee shop, so is simon, yo this is probs gonna be super short not that many chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-24 22:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20713307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pai61/pseuds/Pai61
Summary: Simon and Baz in a library!These characters belong to amazing Rainbow Rowell!





	1. Friday: Simon is an idiot. Who knew?

**Author's Note:**

> YO I'M BACK  
it hasn't actually been that long but man it's been forever to me. Anyways. I hope you guys enjoy this! Also. Fair warning. I'm probably going to update this after a l o n g period of time because school is kicking my ass *cries*

_Friday_

**Baz**

I prop my feet up on the desk because it's Friday and no one is going to come to the library when they could be going to clubs or drinking coffee down the street at Ebb's. I swirl the remains of my pumpkin mocha breve in my cup and sigh. It's gone cold again. 

Turning to my book again I smile. I sip at my cold lukewarm coffee and laugh when Monty does something stupid _again_. 

"Umm- excuse me?" I hear a soft voice say, stuttering. God. Not _another _freshie. I sigh a bit and turn to them, ready to sneer. 

I'm not a bad person. I swear. It's just. Every thirty minutes another shy, excessively flirty female with too much powder round her face comes and asks me stupid questions. I have _had it_. And let me tell you. The guys are somehow worse?

I just want to scream, "I ain't interested! I'm happy single, bitches!" 

Which isn't true.

But who cares. I don't want a fake girlfriend or another disappointing boyfriend.

So. I turn, ready to fight tooth and nail to have a moment of _peace_. It must show on my face how utterly done I am because the boy takes a step back.

I don't feel bad. I plaster on a fake smile and passively glare at him. He doesn't deserve it. He's definitely not here to ask for my number, nor is he a freshman. 

He's only a boy built to destroy wearing a lacrosse jersey that belongs to who I assume is his girlfriend with an expression that says he's either here to look for porn or he's asking where he can find the nearest loo. Or both. 

"How may I help you?" I ask, with as much kindness as I can muster at the moment. Which is obviously none. But I _did_ try. I just hope this guy leaves as soon as possible. He looks down and shuffles his feet.

"Do you know where I can find the ummm- the-" He stumbles and he goes silent. A blush creeps up his neck. For a second I soften. He might not be a dumb jock coming to rip pages from a book to impress his stupid girlfriend. Right now, he kind of looks soft. With a beautiful mop of ridiculously messy bronze curls and a pair of plain blue eyes that still manage to leave my heart with a little ache. 

"Do you know what you want? Or would you like a recommendation. Or are you not here for a book," my voice unwillingly sharpens at the end and he puffs out and somehow he's even hotter?

I always knew my type was jackass jock. Damn. I narrow my eyes at him.

"No! I'm here for a book. Yeah," okay guy. Totally the most convincing thing I've heard in my life. Totally. Yup. Can you even read? "Um- Callmebyyourname!"

"I'm sorry? You want me to _call you by my name?_" I'm so confused. What the hell does this guy want from me? Is this a prank? I kind of want to look around the corner to check for his friends but he just turns beet red.

"No, the book. _Call Me By Your Name_. By Andrew Akiman?" I sigh and roll my eyes.

"Andr_é_ A_c_iman. But I have it. Follow me," I tell him, trying not to let my jaw drop to the floor in surprise. I can believe this jock-looking girlfriend's-lacrosse-sweatshirt-wearing hottie just asked me for one of the gayest books of all time. I lead him to the fiction section and notice he stand a couple of inches shorter than me. I point the book out to him.

"Is this what you wanted?" He nods and I smile as kindly as possible. "Well when your all done just come to me to check it out, all right?" I head back and I go behind the desk again. I manage to forget about him as soon as I begin to read about Monty and Percy again. Oh god. These gays are so dumb. 

"I have the books..." I hear the boy say. I lift my eyes off the book. 

"Can I have your StudentID please?" He nods rapidly and fumbles in his jean pocket for his wallet. He pulls it out and hands me the whole thing. I raise an eyebrow and he starts to stammer an apology or something before I cut him off with a sharp motion of my hand.

"It's fine." I check out his book for him. I don't even glance at his card. I don't even want to know what his name is. That's just asking for trouble. Am I burning with curiosity? Yes. Of course. But this boy probably won't even _read_ his books, which are surprisingly not comics... and I'll be lucky if he doesn't lose them. I hand him back his wallet with a teasing smile and his gaze drops from mine as he heads out. I roll my eyes and sigh as he walks out.

"_Jesus Christ._" I say to my book before diving right back into it. I start to lose myself in the story, but that beautiful tawny freckled and mole speckled skin nags at me.

**Simon**

Well. That was an absolute disaster. Penny told me there was a cute guy at the library, and I thought it wouldn't be to just check and get myself some comfort reads. 

I didn't plan on his being so fucking hot he burned the words right of my head. 

Also. He was a rude little shit. Well. Not little. He was a rude tall shit. I could see him judging me. Like I didn't belong amongst the tall stacks of weathered editions. So I completely embarrassed myself in front of his gaze. By handing him my entire wallet so he could check out my books. He's probably not even gay. Or bi. Or demi. Or pan. Or whatever. 

Oh! And I'll have to see him again, because as far as Penny's information goes, he's the only worker there, and he literally _never_ leaves. And there's no drop off box. Just. My. Luck. I rush back to my room. I find Penelope and Agatha already in there, hands clasped, eyes wide, smiles at the ready.

When I collapse on my bed I can tell they glance at each other and their 'concerned mom' faces come on. They wait for me.

"I made a complete fool of myself!" They sigh like they expected nothing less. I lift my head up a bit to glare at Penny.

"And you never said he was a jerk!" She looks confused.

"But whenever I talk to him..." she trails off and then she looks at me. Suddenly she seems to realize something and she grimaces. She slaps he forehead with her palm and groans.

"I cannot believe I sent you out looking like that," she says frustrated.

"Like what," I retort defensively. I glare at her. I already get enough shit from Agatha about my clothes. I don't need her to do it too! I'm quite capable of dressing myself. 

Somewhat.

Not really.

"You wore your ex-girlfriends lacrosse hoodie... to talk to a hot guy," she explains slowly and then it dawns on me. Oh shit. He porbably thought I was some stupid jock who had a girlfriend... coming in to destroy his books. Oh God. Agatha snickers into her hand. Penny slaps her arm and they turn to me for my reaction. I just flop over so that my face is pressed against the pillow. They both sigh and hug my back before turning back to the video game they were probably playing before I arrived. Something Penny invented to help them with their history test on Monday. I just lie down and keep my face covered until I can no longer stand not being able to breathe. I turn my head to the side and watch my friends battle it out, their fingers moving fast as they play. When Agatha inevitably loses she laughs and they begin another game. I pull out my book and start to read. I've read it countless times. It was the first book to make me realize my sexuality as not only straight. 

I sigh and focus on the words so that my dyslexia doesn't get the better of me. It's still so hard. 

I hope I don't make a fool of myself in front of that cute library boy again. 

He had the prettiest eyes. A gray you get from mixing blues and greens together. And the loveliest skin. Reddish brown with an almost golden touch. And silky smooth black hair that Aggie would absolutely _kill_ _for_. So gorgeous...

I wonder what he thought of me...

I laugh to myself. 

As if he'd waste his probably equally gorgeous brain cells thinking about me.

**Baz**

Why.

Can't.

I.

Get.

That.

Boy.

Out.

Of.

My.

Head.

_I'm so royally fucked_. 


	2. Well, then.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YO! If you haven't yet, read Wayward Son! It is absolutely magnificent. However, I ask my readers to please the comments spoiler free. If you want to talk about Wayward Son, feel free to leave comments on my new fic, posted like. Two seconds ago.

**Simon**

I step into the library cautiously, holding my breath and trying not to let my shaking arms drop the stack of books I'm holding. I slip inside and sneak over to the desk. I look around wildly.

Good.

He isn't here. I waited at least half an hour for him to leave for more coffee. I know. I'm a creep. But still. I can't risk embarrassing myself again. I grab a sticky note and a pen and I scrawl out my name and library card number so he can check them out for me. I tuck a slip of paper in the cover of one and smile softly. Before my nerves catch up to me again. I start to hurry away, but in my hurry I don't pay attention to wear I'm going.

And I run right into him.

And his coffee.

"Shit!" He curses loud and I thank the unpopularity of the library. He jumps up and down and waves his hands around. His shirt is dark and steaming. I curse under my breath and rip off my sweatshirt. It's covered in coffee, but it's thick. And thankfully not Agatha's. I help him take off his shirt and I hand him my sweatshirt so he can mop off the liquid off his chest. His skin looks a little red, but it doesn't seem to be that bad of a burn. 

He is glaring at me very strongly. I blush a deep red and stutter out an apology. I don't even attempt at finishing it. I do the next best thing. I rip off my shirt.

And stand there.

Like an idiot.

His eyebrow is raised, and if he weren't coated in sticky coffee, he'd probably be smirking. But he is still very, very pissed off.

Well fuck me six ways to Sunday.

**Baz**

The gorgeous boy is standing in front of me. Shirtless. And it is taking all of my self restraint not to stare at it openly. He's holding his shirt awkwardly, like he forgot what he was going to do with it. I tone up my glare. I think it's the only rational response when some idiot runs right into you and gets your own coffee all over you. 

I definitely don't want to make out with him passionately in a library while both of us are shirtless.

He seems to come to, because his arm suddenly lurches forward.

"Take it," he tells me. As if his ratty shirt is supposed to pay for my expensive one and my cup of very expensive coffee. (It does. Indirectly. I mean. His _chest_.) I raise my eyebrow, and I don't take it.

"As flattered as I am, I don't know what you want me to do with your shirt," he raises one of his hands to clutch as those ridiculous curls. He exclaims in frustration and what I think might be panic. 

"_You_ put it on! I ruined your shirt, so just take mine!" he says it like it makes perfect sense. It kind of does. So I do put it on. It's loose everywhere. My height is in my legs, and I've always been too much of a rail to fill out any broad shirts. He pulls on his coffee soaked sweatshirt and I feel bad for him for a moment, before I remember it was his fault that we both got coated in coffee. 

"Let me buy you another one, yeah?" He says, stuttering nervously. I sneer at him.

"How do I know you won't make me spill that one?" He draws his eyebrows together and I swear he growls.

"I'm trying to be nice, you ass!" He folds his arms over his chest and juts his chin up. Well. Okay then. Wasn't expecting that.

"Well I'm not appearing in my local coffee shirt wearing a _t-shirt_. I do have standards, unlike you!" I snipe at him and he glares at me.

"Fine! Do you have a new shirt you can pull out your ass or something?" he throws his arms up and I almost want to laugh about how comical this all is. This idiot who borrowed books from me last week is now fighting with me. 

"I can pick up another shirt from my room, idiot," I say flatly. I don't exactly want to start a shouting match in a _library_ of all places, but it's not like anyone would mind. It's practically me who runs this place these days.

"Well then let's go!" He starts to march out of there. I watch him and he stops and looks at me over his shoulder by the doors.

"You don't even know where you are going, and I don't remember inviting you to tag along..." I say, one eyebrow raised. He rolls his eyes and his cheeks are bright red.

I take pity on him and lead him out of there. We walk in silence. My sopping wet shirt in one hand and whoever this guy is to the other side. His eyes are blazing and his curls bounce almost angrily as we walk to my room. But with every step he seems to ease up. I smile to myself and when I get to the door I toss my shirt in the hamper. It's ruined. I'll probably have to leave it to Niall or Dev or something so they can use it for one of their art projects or something stupid. I strip off my shirt and go for my pants, but I stop when I realize that boy is _still_ standing there, watching me undress. I cough loudly and stare at him pointedly. He clears his throat and stutters before finally walking out of the room and waiting in the hallway, the door closing behind him. I sigh and strip before stepping in the shower to rinse off all that blasted coffee.

As I walk out of the room, dressed again, I hand him one of my old t-shirts from high school soccer. I hold out my hand for him to drop his sweatshirt in so he can pull on my shirt.

This is getting to be quite the exchange.

i don't even know his name.

I don't particularly care.

He's probably not going to step foot in my library again after this. He may not even come back to pick up his ugly t-shirt and sweatshirt.

Which is fine with me. If he leaves them it's obviously okay for me to burn them.

I can't even give them to charity, they are so hideous. I can't believe I walked more than fifty paces in public wearing that shirt. 

But in the shirts defense it smelled really good.

Like butter and something sweet. I also smelled something like firewood smoke. 

Whatever.

This is one of the strangest things to happen to me ever. This guy literally stripped in front of me, and is buying me a coffee... out of spite?

So fucking weird. he's getting shyer and blushier with every step. My name is emblazoned on the back of the shirt, and he looks a little uncomfortable. It was either that or one of the button downs from my vast collection.

I don't think this boy wore a button down even to his _graduation_. It looks good on him though. Just as tight on him and his shirt was loose on me. 

We walk inside Ebb's and stand in the line. Simon smiles at the woman behind the counter. 

"Hiya Simon!" she says and immediately starts grabbing an outrageous amount of scones. He blushes madly. He really blushes a lot. I wonder what that's like. I hardly _ever _blush. 

"No, no thanks, Ebb. Just one... what is it you got?" he turns to me, asking. I sigh.

"Pumkin Mocha Breve." Ebb smiles and remakes my drink. Simon, I think, goes to pay for it, but his face looks paniced, and I realize.

he doesn't have his wallet. I roll my eyes and pull out my credit card. 

"Oh and... Ebb. Add some of those scones you were going for earlier, please," I say to her, completely ignoring Simon's indignant scoff. When she hands me my coffee and bag I turn away from Simon and head out. As soon as we are outside, I hand him the bag.

"Try not to run into more people holding hot coffee, eh Simon?" I say teasingly. He splutters but I don't wait for him. I walk away and head to the library again. I hope he doesn't follow me. I don't know what happened back there. I ordered scones for a stranger that has ruined one of my favorite lavender shirts. I didn't even sneer a goodbye. I just. Smiled?

God what is _wrong_ with me?

I sip my coffee- _damn, _it's good- and I sit down at my desk. I notice a stack of books and I realize Simon must have left those for me while I was out. I start checking them back in, using his card number, until something slips out from _Call Me By Your Name._

_Hey, so I know we got off to a rough start, but I think you are really cute, and I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date, or something. Maybe grab a cup of coffee, sometime?_

_-S.S_

I'm not _cute_. I'm smokin' hot. Damn this Simon Snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you feel like talking about Wayward Son, check out my fic Lost By The Sea and Found By My Lover. It has spoilers, but the comment section is free for any rants that are totally unrelated to any of my works. Have a nice day!


	3. Blush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short. I wasn't feeling to well, so I tried to cheer myself up. I don't really have much energy to write much more than this. I hope you like it.

**Simon**

Oh god this is embarrassing. 

I came in to spy on the Baz (Penny found out for me). I thought I could just peek at him from behind a shelf. 

I was wrong. Because I didn't look where I was going, and I tripped over the edge of the book shelf. And fell on my face. 

And managed to pull down a small shelf to the side down with me. 

And spill a stack of magazines all over the floor.

_Fuck_.

So now Baz is standing above me, arms crossed.

"At least your pants up," he peeks around, "and no girlfriend in sight. How did you manage to trip _in an empty shelf aisle_, Snow?" He rolls his eyes but he sounds like he's teasing me. I look up at him and hate my life.

"I don't have a girlfriend."

Okay.

_That_ didn't answer his question. 

_Fuck me gently with a chainsaw_.

Wait.

Girlfriend?

Did he not get my note?

"Did you not get my note?"

**Baz**

Of course I got his note.

I just thought it was a prank.

But he looks genuinely confused. He's scrunching up his face adorably.

I still can't believe he tripped on nothing and managed to drag down a heck ton of papers down with him.

"You are going to have to help me pick those up, Snow," I say, ignoring his question. He blushes and immediately picks himself and starts stacking the magazines. I place a book on the shelf, thanking past me for putting labels. 

"So. You got my note... right?" I don't look at him.

"What were you even doing back there? How did you trip?" He sighs, frustrated. I can almost sense him tugging on his hair. 

"I was... distracted! Baz! Did you get my note?!" He sounds really exasperated. What am I putting off by not answering him?

"Distracted by what?"

"You! Goddamn it. Fine. I get the hint. Have a nice life," he gets up to walk away. I call out to him without even turning around.

"You haven't finished yet, Simon."

His footsteps cease. I hear him turn around. It takes three more books for him to walk back to me. He doesn't say anything, but I can feel his eyes on me. 

I know what I want to say.

But how can I say it? 

None of my other relationships worked out.

But I'm jumping the gun.

**Simon**

"You're joking right. That note was fake right?" I sigh and stop moving around magazines. I lean over and tap his shoulder. He looks at me, and I know what I see in his eyes. It's fear.

This ferocious idiot is scared.

I hardly know him, but he just draws me in. I really want to kiss him. But I never kiss before the first date.

I guess I can make an exception.

**Baz**

He leans forward and kisses me. He kisses me like I'm fragile. He pulls away and smiles. I blush.

I _blush_.

"Okay... you owe me a coffee anyways."


End file.
